Lorcan pursed his lips as he registered Hugo’s giggle. It was quiet and cautious, but it was gliding over the boy’s lips and filling the calm quiet around them, nonetheless. He cocked his head to the side and examined his friend’s face for a while without saying anything. In this moment, the sleepy silence into the kitchen lay over their heads as though they were both wrapped in a warm quilt, huddled together. Was Hugo happy at this very minute, was his heart racing at this very second? Was he feeling close to him? Wasn’t it all a little peculiar for a boy who’d never shown serious interest in relationships to lean into an intimate infinity? Wasn’t it a little strange to sail with him in time as though they’d found a way to escape the minutes passing by?
Hugo’s features looked calm and soft, otherwise, he could merely catch a glimpse of nervousness in these blue eyes looking directly at him. Lorcan’s heart skipped a heartbeat. As long as he could see his face, this shy, yet unique smirk on his lips and as long as he was allowed to stand beside and embrace Hugo’s whole soul, it wasn’t all so bad, was it?
The clammy cold inside him had vanished right on the spot as Hugo took his hand, offering him a comforting warmth. His heart spaced up and was now banging against his rips, but Lorcan found it was a rather wonderful race. Everything felt as though it was made for infinity, and holding hands felt like a tiny forever. Hugo’s touch made it better and the cloudy memories of his former boyfriend were completely irrelevant. It was only Hugo and himself, only friendship and now… love.
Pouting at his friend’s giggle echoing in his ears, Lorcan made a grimace and quirked an eyebrow. Apparently, his growing illness and the bacillus partying like tipsy students was a funny thing, or a joke he just couldn’t seem to comprehend. He wasn’t really upset, Lorcan just liked to tease Hugo every now and then. A wide grin spread across his face when his fogged mind registered his friend’s words. His mind reeled, and his head was empty. Everything was focued on Hugo, the anchor he could hold onto when he was dawdling and dwelling too much, forgetting to live. But how to ask the questions assaulting his mind and tagging at his heart? Looking down at his shiny boots for a little while, Lorcan looked up and cocked his head to the side.
“Of course, but… I need to ask you something before we go. Are you… happy right now? Is… it… the right… I don’t know… pace? And I am not forcing you into anything? Just tell me when anything makes you feel uncomfortable, yes? I want you to be happy.”
Lorcan didn’t even have the time to worry about possible outcomes of the current situation nor of words Hugo might say; he sneezed again loudly and sniffled audible.
“Ugh, I am sorry. The bacteria are partying with my immune system.”
As Lorcan sniffled again, Hugo looked at him with growing concern. His immune system had always been a bit frail – he got sick a lot. All Hugo wanted to do in those moments was take care of him, look after him until things got better, and it was no different now. The sneezing didn’t bother him. If he got sick while Lorcan got better, well, it didn’t matter, as long as his friend felt better.
He sighed softly as Lorcan posed his questions, and stared into those round blue eyes. “Lorcan, I promise you, as… new as this all is to me, I can’t think of anyone I trust more. This is… perfect. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Are you?” There was a minute part of him that worried about straying into the unknown depths of a relationship, but it was brought down by the overwhelming desire and, more importantly, trust, that he felt for his friend.
He glanced around, looking for a house elf. “Do you want a drink before we go to the dorm, to warm you up?” He looked back at Lorcan as one of the elves carried a tray towards him, laden with a teapot and cups. “Come on, come and sit down.” He pulled him over to a chair and took off his cloak, wrapping it around the slightly pale boy as they started to drink. “You don’t have to apologise for being sick, you know,” he said, smiling softly.
Lorcan noticed Hugo’s insecurity and loosened his grip a bit to give him a little space, veering away from his friend’s warm body. His heart shot up in his throat, beating so fast so that it was hurting, even breathing had become painful. Tremor crawled inside, circling his soul croaching when a black train of thoughts was racing through his mind, taking the comforting warmth away. Remorse was assaulting him and his a voice inside his head was shrieking loudly.
Was he really not forcing him? Was the pace appropriate? Was he overwhelming him? Was Hugo about to pull away and comment their little world as disgusting like his very first boyfriend had done, leaving him behind with broken dreams and battered hope gasping for air inside his chest?
His fingers were shaking, crawling into Hugo’s shoulders, afraid of slipping away and living into a gone past, something he couldn’t fix, couldn’t glue together… Opening his eyes, Lorcan’s surrounding was blurring, moulding into a diffuse mess of colours.
Biting Hugo’s lower lip, almost pressing his lips desperately against his friend’s, Lorcan tried to stay here, not whizzing back in time, reliving the break up with his boyfriend using him as an experiment. Hugo had never seen him cry. He didn’t know about the nights tossing and turning in his bed, tasting salty tears on his tongue tip. Lorcan wasn’t willing to let him know he wasn’t all confident, happy and dreamy all the time. It was a colourful illusion, something he was trying to maintain no matter what it might cost. He was the happy dreamer, someone who didn’t know sorrow.
Lorcan was brought back to infinity when Hugo’s chuckle was echoing in his empty head, and the clammy cold in his chest had vanished immediately. Turning his head to the side, blinking fast to hide the upcoming flood of tears, Lorcan had regained his dreamy glance, offering Hugo a lopsided smile of affection. No. He wouldn’t use him, wouldn’t wrap his soul around his little finger like the wary shadow of him, the undertaker of his calm and confident nature. He was over his former boyfriend since he had given his heart to Hugo and only to his best friend, but the tremor was still lurking somewhere nearby his heart. He wasn’t going to tell this to the red-head, nonetheless. It was bad enough that he knew Lorcan hadn’t been happy with him, the destroyer.
“Yes, Mr. Weasley, very much so.”
Taking note of Hugo’s arm pulling him closer again, Lorcan’s moth corners lifted up, framing a small smile. It was their moment, their idle time, leaving everyone but them behind. It was light, security and warmth. His heart beat was racing up when Lorcan tugged Hugo’s red locks slightly, gliding his lips over his friend’s, a gentle pressure on them. Lorcan knew he only loved this incredbile shy, yet loyal spirit, the most important person in his life was standing right before him intertwining their lives, becoming an unity, diving into their silent agreement.
Eventually, Lorcan pulled away, holding Hugo’s hands, their fingers interlinked. A dorky grin was spread across his face when he stroked one of the ginger red hair strands behind Hugo’s ears, taking account of the red spots around his earlobe - the known Weasley trademark of embarrassment. Chuckling amused at this sensory detail, Lorcan placed a chaste kiss on Hugo’s smooth lips, making a quiet smack.
“I love you, Hugo. But… I think we should change our clothes and then… I don’t know. I don’t want to cheese you off…”
Having said that, Lorcan sneezed loudly, hurrying to turn around, not wanting to spread his bacillus all over Hugo’s face.
” I think I am going to be sick.”
Hugo just barely noticed how Lorcan seemed to blink and come back to the present when he laughed, and it concerned him a little. Was he ok with everything? Hugo knew his last relationship had turned sour – of course he knew. He knew everything there was to know about Lorcan. He was the first person his friend had turned to, and he was the shoulder for him to lean on, to grieve on.
Something seemed to change in his expression and he wore his familiar lopsided smile again, his face happy and bright again, blonde hair falling into his eyes as his face grew nearer. Hugo smiled and leaned into the boy’s kiss this time, feeling Lorcan’s heart race, knowing that his own was matching its pace. He reached up to entangle his fingers in that soft, beautiful hair, wanting to stay like that forever. Forever next to Lorcan.
As he pulled away again, Hugo took in the contented look in the other boy’s eyes, happy that he was able to make him so happy. But then his nose twitched, and he sneezed, blonde hair flapping about the place. Hugo couldn’t help but giggle quietly. “Come on, I’ll sneak you into our dorm, it’s only down the corridor.” He took his hand, hurriedly opening the door, not wanting Lorcan to get cold. They stopped beside a large stack of barrels. “Ready to see the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room?”
Lorcan couldn’t help but widening his grin as he registered Hugo’s words floating through his mind. Chuckling softly, he moved closer and twirled one of the ginger red hair strands around his finger, holding onto Hugo’s blue eyes for as long as he could.
Brushing Hugo’s cheek with his fingers, Lorcan’s skipped for a moment. Was he forcing his friend into something? Was he being the selfish prat right now? Wouldn’t Hugo hate him for being so impatient? Shaking his head, Lorcan tried to burry those thoughts under layers of cautious optimism, hoping his assumptions were picked out of a nightmare afar from this moment. Lorcan was similing encouragingly in Hugo’s direction when he slowly pulled him to the kitchen’s door. It was crackling loudly when he walked into the room, seperating reality from dreamland by simply closing the door behind Hugo’s back.
“Hugo, I love you, I really do, but I don’t want to force you into anything..so… if you feel uncomfortable or don’t want to kiss me, please… let me know, okay?”
Lorcan was glaring at his friend, not losing the dreamy glimmer in his eyes. So much had changed in less than a few hours, time spacing up and slowing down, leaving the two of them behind…
Offering Hugo one of his most earnest smiles, he reached out and wrapped one hand at the back of his friend’s neck, pulling him forward with a gentle force. Lorcan paused when they were only a few inches apart,his eyes flickering from Hugo’s eyes to his lips, before whispering three simple words against the red head’s mouth.
“I love you, Hugo.”
Those tree words were hanging into the air like leaves on branches, until Lorcan tilted Hugo’s head slightly to the side. His other hand campe up to cup his friend’s head, kissing his friend eventually. At first, it was a gentle brush, yet, almost shy, but Lorcan wanted to give him some time to get used to the new situation.
After a while, he slid his hand up into Hugo’s soft curls, playing with the silky hair between his fingers. Lorcan was still kissing him chastely, but with a little more pressure now. At last, he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer and closed them in pleasure, his hand was twisting in Hugo’s red curls, tugging slightly.
Hugo followed Lorcan into the kitchen, clutching his arm like a lifeline. Everything seemed to cut off in that moment, and all of a sudden they were in their own little world, with nothing to disturb them. He shook his head quickly. “You aren’t forcing me into anything, believe me.” He gave a small smile – he wanted Lorcan to know that, despite feeling a little bit anxious, he wanted this every bit as much as the other boy did.
Wide, dreamy blue eyes drifted into focus in front of him. Lorcan’s face was much closer than he’d anticipated, and much more quickly. Lorcan’s arms were around him, and it made Hugo aware of his own, dangling by his sides. Should he reach out to hold him too? Questions flew like wild fire around his brain, but they disappeared as fast as a bubble pops when smooth lips reached his. What did it matter? Lorcan was kissing him. Nothing else mattered, or even existed. His heart rate shot up, and he almost panicked, feeling like he had been thrown in the deep end, right out of his comfort zone. No one had ever kissed him like this before. But he opened his eyes again, watching the light bounce off his blonde locks, and took in a deep breath, starting to relax, and get used to the situation.
He relaxed further when he felt his hands in his hair, his own name on his lips. His arms seemed to move of their own accord, reaching up to wrap around Lorcan, pulling him closer. “So, am I a good kisser?” he asked, chuckling.
Rose nodded along as Hugo reflected on his fifth year. Last year had been challenging for her, but nothing compared to this year. However, that advice would help Hugo very little. “It can be tough at times, but I think it is really when you start to feel like a student. You just have to kind of accept all the new burdens of work and take them on, you know.” Her slender fingers stopped tying the knots in her shiny hair and instead pulled down the hem of her skirt which had become folded up. Rose always wanted to look presentable. “And if you do really need help, always seek out family. Especially when you haven’t talked to them in a while.” Rose smiled encouragingly to him, her pearly white teeth flashing in the sun. “Oh, and of course I’m always here. You know my feelings about school.” Rose could talk for days about the things she loved and Hugo knew that more than anyone.
As Hugo began to talk, she could see where this was going. A few days prior she had spoken to Lorcan and had found out from him. At the time it completely caught her off guard as she had no clue. It had been a few days so the information had finally suck in. She listened intently to Hugo until he finished talking, nodding along as he did so. “I recently heard. From your boyfriend himself actually. He just kind of…came out with it.” Rose bunched up her face as she realized that might not have been the best phrase to use. “I would like to say I’ve always known, but really I haven’t. I’m quite shocked really.” Rose furrowed her brow and pushed her bottom lip out as she normally did when contemplating something.
He smiled, grateful that he had someone who had already been through what he was doing, who understood where he was coming from. Even if her attitude towards schoolwork was slightly different to his. He chuckled softly. Studying would be difficult. But at least he could ask Rose for help. She was the smartest person he knew. “Thanks, Rosie. I’ll come and ask you if I need anything.” She smiled, the sun glinting off her teeth, and he returned it, picking up a pebble and absent-mindedly turning it over in his hand.
He breathed in sharply when she mentioned that she already knew. She talked to Lorcan? Hugo froze up, wondering if the knowledge bothered her. He didn’t dare look up at her, and instead scratched the pebble, contemplating throwing it into the lake and watching the ripples formed. He realised he had no idea what Rose’s views were on homosexuality, and the thought worried him. She’d still like him, right? “I suppose I’m shocked as well,” he said in a small voice. “I didn’t- I didn’t mean it to happen, I didn’t mean to… fall in love with him… but I did. Does that bother you?” He managed to get out the sentence without stuttering too badly, but he knew she could hear the hesitation in his voice.
He’s always loved to read, ever since he was a small child. There was always something special to be gained from picking up a new book for the first time.
One of his Mum’s favourite baby stories about him is that he used to pick up the Daily Prophet off the breakfast table and point out words that he knew.
Lorcan’s eyes widened in excitment when he was looking at the book backs, their titles, their authors and he felt delivered into utopia. The air inside the bookstore was a bit sticky, but Lorcan didn’t mind. It felt as though he was tucked up in a quilt from home. He found it rather comforting. Thinking about the worlds hiding behind the printed words, Lorcan pictured some robbers fighting with daggers, kidnapping a beautiful princess with blonde hair and blue eyes. Child’s high pitched, yet carefree laughter was floating through his ears, making his heart leap with glee. Lorcan loved stories and fairy tailes with children involved. They had a free and flowing spirit, flowing to one beautiful deatil of life to another one like a butterfly to different flowers. They couldn’t be caught by adults and they couldn’t be destroyed easily, although their colourful wings were like paper clamped over a canvas. Lorcan remembered the silver fog bursting out of his wand until it had gotten a shape. A butterfly, his Patronus was a butterfly.
The sticky heath warmed the books, the inch and the bleached pages so that the smell of unread books hung into the air. Smiling dorkily when he felt Hugo grip his hand, Lorcan turned around to dive into these blue oceans again, seeing lights in them like dolphins glistening in the sun. Squeezing his hand gently, Lorcan looked at their fingers intertwined. He couldn’t believe it. Hugo had taken his hand in public? Because… he was wanting to take his hand and not because he felt as though he ought to show Lorcan he was meaning every word he had said, right?
Leaning to Hugo’s ear, his blonde locks brushing his friend’s cheek, Lorcan smirked against the warm skin.
“Well, you have to let go of me now, I need to pay the books.” Chuckling softly, he placed a kiss on Hugo’s jaw and edged to walk towards the cash to pay the books.
Getting outside the bookstore, it was raining. Lorcan stared at the skyline above, and quirked an eyebrow. The clouds were hanging oppressively low into the day, hiding every bit of sunbeam behind their heavy grey garment. Gripping Hugo’s hand, Lorcan walked the way backwards to the castle. They ought to get inside, unless they were soaking wet.
“We’ve got to run, Hugo.”
Hearing the water splash aside under their heavy footfalls, Lorcan didn’t let go of Hugo’s hand for one second while they were racing through the rain making their clothing wet.
Inside the castle again, the air seemed to have dappled. Lorcan made a grimace as he felt the dripping wet clothing wrapped around his body like a second skin, and slowly walked to the kitchen’s door. Turning around, Lorcan wrapped his arms around Hugo and looked at him with a cheerful expression on his face, lips shaped into a mischievous grin.
” I think I owe you a proper first kiss, Mr. Weasley. Would you like to be kissed properly?” It was a soft and cautious whisper, but he was sure Hugo had heard his words hanging into the air. Lorcan was also aware of the fact that no house elves were in the kitchen at this time, so if Hugo felt uncomfortable about being kissed in public, Lorcan could just open the door and leave this world behind.It would only be himself and Hugo then.
Hugo’s eyes scanned across the book titles, feeling slightly more comfortable with Lorcan’s warm hand tightly in his grip. He loosened his cloak, the warmth in the room almost oppressive. He relaxed considerably, feeling at home amongst the many shelves full of bound paper and ink. He was tempted to pull out several at random and buy them, but tried to control that impulse. The library would provide the perfect opportunity for that later.
Realising that he was preventing his friend from paying for his book, he let go of his hand with a start, his face burning. Following him outside, he noticed that the heavens had opened up on them. “So much for a sunny day,” he muttered. He drew his cloak around him with one hand and grasped Lorcan’s hand with his other, sprinting up towards the castle, their clothes quickly getting soaked.
He shook his head, trying to dry out his hair, droplets of water flying everywhere, and looked up to see where Lorcan had led them. They were standing outside the kitchens, in the corridor flanked by ancient suits of armour. He quirked an eyebrow, noticing his friend’s grin.
His heart seemed to stop in that moment. Would you like to be kissed properly? Yes, he very much would. But what if he was awful? What if he- He quickly cut his train of thought before it could go any further, and stepped forward, nodding. “I think a proper kiss is in order, Mr. Scamander.”
I don’t know why, but I suppose I should do something productive while I’m awake.
Hey there Stewart! Can’t sleep?
Join the club.
Rose was beginning to dose off. When she was in the sun, its warmth always felt like a warm embrace to her, which led her to wanting to fall asleep. However, she heard faint footsteps behind her and knew it was Hugo. The red-haired beauty sat up suddenly and turned around, moving her glasses as she did so just to make sure it was him. There in front of her was the wide smile and a wave from her dearest brother. She beckoned him over and waited for him to sit down by her. Leaning into his embrace Rose couldn’t help but laugh seeing that he was still a tad shorter than her. Perhaps he would sprout up in his fifth or sixth year like most of the other boys usually did.
“Things are quite brilliant, Hugo. Really. I mean swamped of course because of homework, Quidditch, prefect stuff and Merlin knows what else. It doesn’t seem to end.” She chuckled softly as she readjusted her glasses on her face. The sun was right in front of her so she was definitely thankful she had brought them. “But enough about me, how are you? I barely see you anymore. Not even a glimpse. How is fifth year treating you?” Rose sat there awaiting a respons, absentmindedly typing slip knots in her hair with two fingers. It would take seconds to make them and pull them out again before going back to another knot, like some sort of rhythm.
He smiled as he watched her adjust her glasses, listening in silence for a few moments, before crouching down to sit beside her. “You’re definitely right about the Prefect stuff. I almost haven’t been able to get anything else done. And it seems like we’re working twice as hard as usual for Quidditch. Fifth year is tough.” He laughed as he said this, leaning back and stretching out his arms a little. They seemed so busy. He realised he’d probably have to start doing some real study at some point this year. What a depressing thought.
“I’ve missed you. And you’re not the only one I don’t see much of. I barely see Lily, or the twins.” He paused for a moment, wondering how to approach what was on his mind. Or if she already knew, even. His head told him that she wouldn’t mind what his sexuality was, but he was still hesitant. As Lorcan’s face crossed his mind, however, he decided he was proud of who he was, just like his friend. “Rose, there’s something I should tell you, though. I don’t know if you know this already, but….” He took a deep breath before continuing, his voice growing more confident. “I have a boyfriend.” He sat up straighter, trying to relax, but his ears gave him away, turning red with embarrassment. “I haven’t written to Mum and Dad yet though.” He scratched at his neck, acting as though he wasn’t worried about her response.
… look what I made for you! -smiles dreamily-
No way! I love it!